I started dealing drugs to pay for my habit.  I was by no means a big name in the business but I realized that I could make just enough to support my addiction.  This meant that I was working when cocaine addicts were awake, and driving around town at all hours of the night. 

I became the back road queen as I learned every inch of the town I lived in.  Five in the morning drop-offs for the addict who wasn’t quite ready to shut down the party yet, and keeping myself awake with my own habit was a common occurrence.  I felt like I had come into a rhythm with how my life was working out and I felt stable. 

One night, I wasn’t feeling well, so I made a decision to avoid the party for a change.  I chose not to drink or do drugs and dropped my friend off so he could party without the risk of drinking and driving.  I told him I’d pick him up whenever he was ready to go home.  Late that night, I returned to the party to pick him up. 

Knowing that I would have several customers at the party, I restocked my supply from my dealer and drove up to grab him. 

I didn’t have as many customers as I thought, so I still had quite a bit of inventory remaining as I drove him home.  I was coughing, stuffed up, and definitely not feeling well.  It was about two in the morning, and the town was quiet.  Without any warning, a police car came roaring up behind me and turned on its siren and lights.  

I panicked.  I had more than enough drugs in my car, split into small flaps that would have put me in jail for a very long time.  I had taken no precautions to hide anything because I had never been pulled over before.  It had never occurred to me that I might get caught. 

The bag of drugs was sitting in my center console.  

The police officer came up to my driver’s side window and asked for my license and registration.  Thank god I was sober, and with it enough to be prepared, and I handed my documents to him immediately, all while trying to keep my arm over the console so that he couldn’t see.  He shone his flashlight into the car, and straight into my face to check for my sobriety.  My friend was very drunk, which worked in my favour, and it was obvious that I was not drinking, or partying. 

The police officer asked why we were out so late, and I let him know the truth - that I was picking up my drunk friend from a party and getting him home safely.  My friend drove the point home by saying something incoherent to the officer that proved he was drunk.  I told the cop that I was sick, and was doing my friend a favour. 

Satisfied, the cop took one more glance through the car and passed my documents back to me.  Telling me to get my friend home safely, and to have a good night, he walked back to his car without any more comment. 

And that’s when the adrenaline hit.

I started to shake so badly, I had a hard time driving away.  That call was entirely too close for my comfort, and my life began to flash before my eyes.  

That night could have landed me in jail, with a criminal record, and an entirely different life path.  As I was faced with my future, it became very clear to me that it was time to change.  I had no idea what that looked like, or how I was going to do it, but I knew at that moment that my career as a drug dealer had come to an end.  I saw a glimpse of a life that was better than what I was living and began to feel a shimmer of hope.