My First Line of Cocaine
It was Halloween, and I was looking good. I was hanging out with my new friends and had been invited to a big Halloween bash. Dressed as a sexy devil, in a red mini skirt, red horns, and red lipstick, I knew I was getting the attention that I was looking for that night.
Ready for a bash, I had arranged that I would not be returning home that night, and at this point, felt that I was safe. I had a ride, and I knew I could crash on someone’s couch at the very least, although my internal plans were more in-depth than that.
We arrived at the house where the party was happening, and I didn’t even notice how scuzzy and slum-like it was. I entered the home and received so much attention from the guys that I barely noticed my surroundings. I barely noticed the fact that I was the youngest one there, one of the few females, and certainly dressed the most slut-like.
I was oblivious to the fact that I could have been in real trouble.
I was naive. I had no idea what I was walking into. This party was going to change my life forever. But I didn’t know that. I was with my new friends, drinking, and having the time of my life.
And that’s when the cocaine came out.
I had seen cocaine in my earlier years and had always been dead set against it. I had been invited to try it and was caught up in so much judgment around it that it had never occurred to me to give it a try. But now, in these circumstances, with these new friends, these older men who I was wanting to impress, I second-guessed myself.
There was no pressure. It was an invitation. But looking around at my surroundings, and seeing how much fun everyone was having, I wanted to be included. I wanted to be a part of this life. I wanted to feel numb. I wanted to let go completely and feel free. I no longer wanted to feel the feelings that ran so deep from my father’s death. I wanted a release.
And so, the line was presented to me, and I said yes. I had no idea what I was doing, and I told them that. They were patient with me and told me what to do. They told me what I might experience and gave me clear instructions.
And up my nose, it went.
I immediately felt sick. Within seconds, I was running to the bathroom to throw up. It was such a foreign feeling in my head, and I’d had quite a bit to drink. But then, it hit me. Not only had it made me feel like I was more sober, but it made me feel like I was on top of the world. I was invincible. Despite the fact that I had thrown up, I came out of the bathroom ready to rock. I felt superhuman.
And I was hooked. That night I did several more lines with my friends and didn’t get any sleep. I had so much fun and thought I could live like this forever. Little did I know that I was about to find out how that one line, that one decision, was going to change my life for the next three years. I didn't know the consequences, and I was naive.