Pre-Calculus and Cocaine
I had tried school a few times. We had never really gotten along, and I made the excuse that I just wasn’t sure what it was I wanted to do with my life. But now that I was hooked on cocaine and in this new lifestyle, it made sense that I go to school to become a pharmacist. I won’t tell you that I had all the right intentions, as I most certainly did not. I thought I’d have access to everything I wanted if I became a pharmacist.
What I didn’t factor in was how difficult becoming a pharmacist would be. I had no idea one had to go through first-year science in college to get your diploma. But I was game and knew I was smart, so I thought I’d give it a shot. I had barely managed to make it through high school math, but I also knew that if I really applied myself, I could make it happen.
I had to pass pre-calculus in order to even be eligible to apply to the first-year science program at the college I was planning to attend.
So that summer, I spent my time in a classroom, studying, and doing calculus equations.
I didn’t thrive, but I wasn’t terrible either, and it all started to come together. I was able to pass pre-calculus and applied for the first-year science program.
I’m a sucker for brand-new textbooks, untarnished notebooks, and fresh school supplies. I was excited and felt like maybe I’d finally found my path. I thrived in my English class and did okay in the others. But calculus was hard! I did my best and studied hard, but I also smoked weed and did cocaine quite often. This was the beginning of my cocaine journey, and it was about to get much worse, but I was already at the point where I was doing it a few nights a week.
I met a dear friend in one of my classes, and we started hanging out. He was probably one of the most intelligent kids in class, and we hit it off immediately. We decided to go to the movies together, and when I snorted a line of cocaine before we hit the movie theater, he did not judge me.
He and I ended up in a friendly competition to see who could get the highest grades.
One day, my calculus professor asked me to stay after class to have a chat. I was nervous, as he was an intimidating instructor, and I wasn’t doing wonderfully well in his class. I was passing, but barely. Taking me aside, he asked me what my intentions were for taking the course, and I told him I needed first-year science in order to go into the pharmacy program. He immediately suggested that I drop into the lower class because this class was going to ‘eat me alive.’ I knew that if I didn’t complete this class though, I would never be accepted into the program.
Challenge accepted I became obsessed with passing his class and doing well. I don’t take well to someone telling me I can’t do something, and this was no exception.
I put my nose to the grindstone, and the cocaine, and worked harder.
I started using cocaine more, as a stimulant to keep me going when studying got hard.
I’ll never forget the day after our midterms in that class. I walked in to receive my grades, wondering if all my hard work had paid off and sat beside my friend who I knew was expecting higher grades than me. Our results were passed out to us, and my friend, my professor, and I were beyond surprised that I had the highest mark in the class. My friend was beside himself. How could a cocaine addict get higher grades than him?
I completed that class, finished up my first year of science, and walked away. I never applied to the pharmacy program. I was too far gone at this point, after a year of using cocaine to study, and I was hooked. In my mind, I had better, more important things to do and a habit I needed to support.